Personality Disorderly
by AtrumMaximus
Summary: Part of Druid Star's Great Golden Dragon Challenge january edition. The inhabitants of the Hogwarts houses experience a bit of a shift in personalities, and everyone has a lesson to learn. DISCONTINUED


**Warnings: **Silliness, slash, general confusion and sentient castles

**Disclaimer: **Don't own, never did. (if I had, I wouldn't have lost it)

**A/N: **This is an entry to Druid Star's Great Golden Dragon Challenge. Go check it out please, and then help me win! I get a point for every review ;)

**Prompt:**

What will happen when Hogwarts gets fed up with the war between houses? Well, the Slytherins find themselves idiotic heroes and the Gryffindors become tweedy know-it-alls, Ravenclaw is full of loyal little lapdogs and the scariest of all? Sly Hufflepuffs. But how long will the switch last?

Must have: "Blue makes you look fat."

"Merlin's hairy nipples! I'm a... Gryffindor!"

**ENJOY**

**Personality Disorderly**

By AtrumMaximus

Hogwarts was usually a very docile lady. She slumbered peacefully and listened to the children who filled her rooms and hallways with laughter, wishing she had a mouth to smile with.

Or at least that is what she should have been doing. Her creators had made her sentient so that she could be her own protection if it came to it, but she had never felt the need to step in. She had been content to observe and enjoy her eternity of peaceful existence.

But now her peace was disturbed. Well, it had been for a while. Ever since that horrible descendant of Salazar's had started school, and the small rivalries and playful fights between the houses had grown into a full out war. Both in her own hallways and in the world outside.

It was barbaric!

Didn't the children know that the founders did not care about houses, and the sorting was mostly an amusing way to split up the kids and help them find friends easier? But now it seemed they found enemies too, more than they found friends.

Hogwarts was appalled. She decided that if the humans were too blind to even try to understand each other, _she_ would force them to open their eyes.

And she knew just how.

*I*M*A*D*I*V*I*D*E*R*

When Draco woke up that morning he felt rather strange.

Now, this was strange in itself, since Draco as a principle didn't feel strange. If something was off, it was someone else's fault. That's what his father had told him, and so obviously it was the truth.

But this morning, he woke up, and didn't feel as usual. You see, usually Draco would wake up with a smirk and a head full of screwy little plans. But today his head felt peculiarly empty. And he found his face breaking into a large grin instead of a smirk, which _really_ frightened him. He couldn't remember the last time he'd grinned, and yet here he was, smiling like a loon.

Crabbe grunted and rolled out of the bed. This startled Draco enough to make him sit up and get started on his morning routine.

Nothing to worry about, he was probably just sick. He'd go see Madam Promphrey if it didn't pass.

Then Draco caught sight of Blaise, and decided that maybe his sickness was part of an epidemic, because he had certainly never seen Zabini less subtle than he was at the moment, yawning his head off, openly scratching his buttocks and _shuffling_ over the floor.

It was with great trepidation that Draco got up that morning.

*I*M*A*D*I*V*I*D*E*R*

It soon turned out that it was not only Draco himself and his year-mates that suffered from this sudden lack of graze and subtlety and even manners in some cases. It was his entire house! The difference was startling, and disconcerting and overall really strange. And in this case the problem wasn't just affecting some fool, Draco was behaving strangely too. He was actually hot-tempered in a way he couldn't remember being since he was 5.

And he did impulsive things! What kind of slytherin did impulsive things!

Just a moment ago he'd told Pansy he though she was an ugly cow, just because he wanted to see what her face would look like. And when she smacked him, he'd called her a bitch. _What kind of eloquent pureblood heir calls his future wife a bitch?_

He'd been wanting to the last 5 years of his life, sure, but he would never just _do it_ like that. He'd barely been able to stop himself before calling off the engagement for Merlin's sake! What would his father say!

The trip to the great hall for breakfast was made sullenly and with Draco sending nervous glances everywhere. Many of the slytherins had chosen to remain in the common room rather than risk doing something foolish outside, but Draco was hungry.

Also, it would be cowardly to remain behind.

Draco froze when he realized what he was thinking.

"Merlin's hairy nipples! I'm a… Gryffindor!"

He only noticed he'd shouted that out loud when people started staring. Which only enforced this new realization.

Oh fucking shit.

*I*M*A*D*I*V*I*D*E*R*

Harry had logically concluded that something was amiss.

He and his housemates had discussed it when they got up, and Hermione had luckily had a book that gave them a good basis of research. They had yet to find a complete explanation, but Harry was looking into some advanced ancient runes that had the ability to temporarily transform the personalities of someone, in a superficial sense, that would let them keep their original thought process, but lend them a few new and dominant personality traits.

The only problem was that the ritual was mentioned in passing, and had not been in use in the last 500 years. It was impossible to find any references to it, and even more on how to counter it.

Not that Harry was inclined to counter it at the moment. He couldn't see how he'd possible survived the last 6 years of school without this natural studiousness. Still, finding a solution was a challenge to his intellect - and Ron didn't seem to enjoy their situation as much as he did. He would find the answer, then he could always decide afterwards whether or not to publicly announce it.

He had brought the book with him to breakfast, noticing briefly that many of his housemates were similarly preoccupied. They would have to compare results later, after today's classes had ended.

The runes described where actually very interesting, and Harry resolved to ask Hermione to give him the booklist from the first years of Ancient Runes class, so he could catch up on the subject. He couldn't believe he hadn't taken it the first time around.

His studying was interrupted when some loud brawl started over at the slytherin table. It seemed that Malfoy and Parkinson were fighting, and most of the table was joining in. Harry felt his eyebrows go up in surprise. The slytherins never fought over anything in public – and definitely not loud enough to attract the attention of the entire school. Were they possibly affected by this strange spell too?

That was a thought to contemplate. Was it the entire school who had been the target, and if so had they possibly _switched _personalities, instead of merely being granted some common personality traits? That ruled out the option of some wizard, annoyed by the incompetence of the school's students, making them more studious. Because the slytherins certainly weren't showing studiousness. In fact neither was the Rawenclaws or the Hufflepuffs.

Harry felt the first spikes of apprehension when he looked out over the great hall, and noticed the difference in its entirety. It was… disconcerting.

At the hufflepuff table, people were talking quietly with each other, no laughter or smiles in sight, people where smirking or scowling, and several of them were, it seemed, _scheming_.

The rawenclaws on the other hand were chatting serenely and goofing around. The normally stern and sober girls were behaving like giggling pre-teens, and two of them were even arguing loudly over_ clothes_. If there was one sentence Harry had never imagined hearing from a rawenclaw girl, it was 'Blue makes you look fat'. Besides blue was a very flattering color!

Not a single one of the notorious nerds had brought a book this morning.

_Which _… The gryffindors had.

Harry felt the imaginary light bulb switch to /on/ over his head.

So, the gryffindors where behaving as the ravenclaws usually did. The ravenclaws where acting more like hufflepuffs, and the hufflepuffs where scheming away like slytherins. Which left the slytherins to be the new gryffindors.

How ironic.

*I*M*A*D*I*V*I*D*E*R*

Draco knew something bad was going to happen when he spotted Potter walking around the Hall, asking people questions and taking notes. Especially since Potter was moving towards him, and everyone knew bad things happened when the two of them talked – or argued as was mostly the case.

Things being as they were, Draco would probably accidentally kill him. Which wouldn't be a very good initiative for his future political career.

He decided to do some breathing exercises to calm his temper.

"Good morning Draco."

It didn't work.

"Since when do you have permission to call me Draco, you_ insolent_…. GARGH!"

Draco wasn't feeling as eloquent as usual either.

Potter was giving him an infuriatingly calm smile, and sat down uninvited across from Draco. His notebook was all prepared, and Draco felt like he was at some sort of medi-wizard getting his psychological check.

"I'm sorry Malfoy, it must have just slipped. I was wondering if you would mind me asking some questions? I'm in the process of figuring out a solution to the current… situation, and your cooperation would help me a lot."

Draco felt like banging his head against something, but forcibly didn't.

He decided the best course of action was to _not _say anything at all. That way he couldn't say stupid things either.

Potter giving him patient look that made the medi-wizard vibes even more prominent. It was giving him the creeps – clearly something was wrong with Potter too.

"Oh alright! What do you want to know?" He blurted out.

Potter started out giving a very long speech that he seemed to actually find interesting.

The situation only became scarier when Draco realized that the things that were coming out of Potter's mouth were actually intelligent. The gryffindor told him the theory of them switching personalities, and Draco had to admit that it sounded more than plausible – which he of course immediately regretted _telling _Potter – and he grudgingly answered the rest of Potter's questions about his change of habit.

It was humiliating.

But in the end, he found that he actually minded this Potter less than the obnoxious Golden Boy – it was almost as if the gryffindor had grown a brain and a sense of humor suddenly. Draco even thought he caught a bit of sarcasm at one point, but shrugged it off.

He agreed to help the boy out with 'his research' and keep an eye on the other slytherins.

He didn't quite know why.

**A/N: **Okay guys, so this is the first chapter, or more like an experiment. I'm not sure I'll continue this with much fervor, though I promise it will be finished – but it's a bit meek compared to what I usually write. My enthusiasm is not at its peak. I'm not sure I like it at all xD I think I need to go write something evil now.

Review and make me win!


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